if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
