I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
