I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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