its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So much Jack, so little girl.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I am available for nakedness
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
