these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
