His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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