I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
