Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
