hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm really into asian looking animals
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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