absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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