there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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