i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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