He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We are all done wearing pants today
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