K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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