i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
