What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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