member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
