I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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