Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He did a backflip because drugs
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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