I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
