All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
