Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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