i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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