note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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