Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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