you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
