I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize