This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
