Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
