Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
