I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
even my farts smell like vagina
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
