just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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