This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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