So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
