i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
