were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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