we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
