dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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