Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
