hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
