Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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