i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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