mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
