Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
