Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
