I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize