dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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