dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
