It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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