if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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