How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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