oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
