Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
