Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
