your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
