Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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