I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
