Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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