Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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