I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
one might say we're banned from that church
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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