tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize