who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
