it hurts more in the daytime
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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