At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
