If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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