The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i would one night stand the shit outta him
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
