I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
