On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Dicks are not precious.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
