I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
