there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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