Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
