My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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