i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
