omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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