Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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