Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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