I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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