1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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