Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
