you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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