none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I bet he comes in French.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
