My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
