Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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