It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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